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but hopeful So.
So.
So.
Sigh... so hard to start. Only a couple of you know anything about this. Hm, sum it up quickly; I was kinda emotionally brutalized last year, I reckon. (sounds kinda girly when I read it, but even us mean bastards have feelings.)
Anyway, long friendship broken off. This is months back. But at Wondercon, I ran into the person for the first time in person since the last camel straw was hurled at me. And:
I was kinda hoping, faintly, for an apology concerning maybe even one of the things that damaged me (there was a lot, I know about many instances that the damager(I can make up my own words) doesn't even think I have a clue about....)
Like I said: I was hoping for the slightest apology, some reason to try to rebuild again.
Nope. Not a word. Not the slightest, and I mean slightest, sign of remorse. I pretty much don't exist, or if I do, I'm in the kitty litter box, and I'm not litter.
Oh well. Now I can fully write it off, and pass on. It's just hard on me, it's a bad feeling when you're... replaced. When I make new friends, I don't get rid of my old ones. (don't make that many to begin with, I guess, and I don't plan on ever letting anyone get that close to me again.)
One of you has told me that good friends aren't always a bad thing, but it always seems to end up that way for me. Guess I'm just lucky. Or I'm a bad friend, and I expect too much of people.
But something odd happened lately, too. A (newer) friend of mine was heading to the East Coast, when the weather went bad, and all the Jet Blue planes were grounded.... she called, and asked if she could stay at my house till the next plane.
Well, of course.
And she's still here. As full of crap as my house is, I guess you can get comfortable here.
So suddenly, I'm thinking maybe I'm not such an asshole, because someone likes being in my company.
This has done a lot for healing my emotional damage. So I guess one of the gods (actually, probably a goddess, or demi-goddess) is watching over me a bit. Maybe I'll relax and let myself have fun again.
Maybe not. I'm still a bit damaged. But maybe.
And now, on to
FUN STUFF
I promised, some fun stuff. Occasionally I go through the old archives, and run across people I know now... so I got this idea, to post everyone's first shot (that I recognize, and that I think runs across this journal). I was going to do them all at once, but they're .... obscure. They hide from me. So here's the first installment in the lot.
Lotta photos, so my first cut ever.
I reckon these are pour_me_coffee. I think the first one is at Cherry Blossom SF, and older, the second shot is at some Fanime.
pikacello and hoshikaji, when i first saw them.... playing in the lobby to make money for their first (I think) trip to AX. As a musician, of course I wadded up more than I could really afford at the time, and snuck it into the case. This is Fanime, of course.
kenshin_no_miko, at Fanime 2000.... I'm pretty sure she won an award with this one, best of show?
tsukinobara
I can't decide which of these is first, either. Mostly cause I'm too lazy to look up the dates.
(she looked so lonely, but I was too shy....)
maiyu_c, at either Cherry Blossom, or JTAF. Not sure on that one, once again, too lazy to look it up.
and we must not forget, mognetcentral. This was the first WICTOP for either of us; and both of us thought the other person knew everyone... but we were both noobs. Stupid noobs. So we didn't really talk much that day.
One more for today... daenerys . At least I'm fairly sure this is her/you. Someone was over at my house one day, and said, hey, that's yaya. And I looked closer, and by golly.... baby Yaya. This is probably from my first AX.
That's it for tonight. I'll put up batch two when I locate a few more.... have some on deck, but I'd like to do several at a time. So just hang on to yer peckers, or whatever you have.
March 11 2007, 07:06:11 UTC 5 years ago
March 11 2007, 07:52:56 UTC 5 years ago
I love how you combine emo posts with good things. In some ways, you're more optimistic than I am ;) Aw, baby cosplayers!
March 12 2007, 15:08:32 UTC 5 years ago
Deleted comment
March 12 2007, 01:26:33 UTC 5 years ago
that, and everyone's an asshole.
uh... ^^;
~soma~
March 12 2007, 15:07:59 UTC 5 years ago
March 11 2007, 16:46:35 UTC 5 years ago
We all love ya! Don't despair =)
March 12 2007, 00:54:18 UTC 5 years ago
Anyway! WOW that Cosplay Pic was SOOO OLD! And that was in JTAF 2003 ;)
I don't think we talked though! We only chatted maybe Ani-magic???? *can't remember ururururururururu*
March 12 2007, 15:07:17 UTC 5 years ago
March 12 2007, 01:24:46 UTC 5 years ago
~soma~
ps: write about me more and how awesome i am.
March 12 2007, 15:06:02 UTC 5 years ago
March 12 2007, 14:59:35 UTC 5 years ago
March 12 2007, 15:05:20 UTC 5 years ago